Christina: Busty Blonde Sex Doll – The “Perfect Companion” (If That’s Your Thing)

Let’s just get this out of the way—yeah, I bought Christina.

No, not a real person. You know, the infamous “busty blonde sex doll” from Absolute Sex Dolls. If you’re rolling your eyes already, trust me, I did too. But curiosity is a weird beast and apparently, so is disposable income.

The Whole “Introducing Christina” Routine

You’ve seen those ads? “Introducing Christina, the perfect companion for a good time.” She’s everywhere—big boobs, big… well, everything. Blonde locks that look like they belong in some shampoo commercial from 2003. And this whole thing about her being made with high-quality materials for a ‘lifelike experience’—I mean, that’s what they say. For all I knew she’d feel like hugging an inflatable pool toy.

Anyway, first impression when she arrived (in the most boring brown box imaginable)? Heavy. Like actually heavy—73 pounds isn’t nothing when you’re dragging it up apartment stairs at 11pm hoping your neighbor doesn’t ask questions.

Details They Don’t Put on Billboards

Everyone loves numbers apparently: G-cup silicone chest (yes it’s as ridiculous as it sounds), 5 feet 4 inches tall (so she won’t tower over you unless you’re unusually short), and those proportions—37-24-42 inches. It’s like someone took every stereotype and dialed it up to eleven.

But here’s something nobody tells you: steel skeleton with movable joints means she holds poses better than my ex ever did during yoga class—but also means if you bump into her in the dark? Terrifying.

Vaginal and anal openings go about 6.7 inches deep; mouth is shorter at 5-ish inches (not going to elaborate there). All very clinical on paper until you realize someone had to measure these things for the product listing.

Shipping: Not Exactly Amazon Prime

Free international shipping sounded great until I realized ‘processing time’ equals three weeks plus another week for actual shipping—and yes, discreet packaging means nobody will know what’s inside except maybe the delivery guy who definitely knows what’s inside because who else gets seventy-pound plain boxes?

It sits by your door for hours while you debate how much your dignity is worth if anyone sees you dragging this thing in.

Lifelike?

Well… Kinda

Here comes my favorite part—the ‘lifelike experience.’ To be fair? Silicone feels way less creepy than old-school plastic dolls ever did (don’t ask how I know). The skin has this weirdly soft texture; almost too perfect but not quite uncanny valley territory.

Movable joints help make her pose naturally enough for photos or whatever else people do with these things—I’m not judging—but sometimes her arm will slowly drop mid-move and it looks like she’s giving up on life after one bad day at work.

And yeah—the boobs are big. Like cartoonishly big. If that’s what you’re after… mission accomplished I guess?

An Unexpected Downside

One thing no review really covers: storage logistics. You can’t just leave Christina out unless everyone in your life already knows about her—and even then it gets awkward fast (“Oh hey mom! Just ignore the giant blonde mannequin in my living room!”). Closet space becomes premium real estate overnight.

Also cleaning takes longer than expected. Let’s just say there are more nooks and crannies than IKEA furniture and leave it at that.

A Small Realization Somewhere Between Amusement and Regret

Weirdly enough, after a while Christina started feeling less like some wild fantasy object and more like an oddly expensive roommate who never pays rent or leaves passive-aggressive notes on the fridge. Maybe that says more about me than anything else.

Would I call her “the perfect companion”? Hmm—not exactly… but if absolute sex dolls are your thing—or if curiosity ever wins—you could do worse than this busty blonde with legs-for-days and an attitude frozen somewhere between Barbie doll chic and silent movie starlet.

Not sure where this leaves me now; probably still figuring out how to explain why there’s a wig brush next to my Xbox controllers without sounding completely unhinged.