Evangeline: Greek Goddess Sex Doll — A Personal Rant (With Details)

The Box That Wasn't

You know what’s weird? Waiting four weeks for a package you’re not supposed to talk about. I mean, I’ve ordered plenty of things online—never had to count the days quite like this. Four weeks is just…long enough to second-guess your life choices, but here we are. When the Evangeline doll finally arrived (yes, the so-called “Greek Goddess” sex doll), the box was aggressively plain. Like, offensively blank. No logos, no nothing. If you saw it on my porch you’d think it was printer paper or maybe a lamp from an office supply store.

The discreet packaging thing? That part actually works, if you care about nosy neighbors or roommates who can’t mind their own business. I guess that’s one point for absolute sex dolls and their shipping department.

Heavy Lifting (Literally)

I’m not exactly out of shape but 88 pounds is a lot when it’s shaped like a person and packed in foam. Dragging her up two flights of stairs felt like moving furniture after midnight—awkward angles, unexpected grunts, sweating for reasons you didn’t expect to sweat today.

Her height—5 feet 4 inches—means she doesn’t fold into neat little parcels either. There were moments where I thought: “Did I really need J-cup boobs?” But then again…that’s kind of the point with these big boob dolls, isn’t it?

Anatomy Lessons Nobody Asked For

Evangeline has proportions that don’t exist in real life (at least not in my zip code). Bust at 33 inches, under-bust at 23.6 inches, waist barely over 22 inches—hips at almost 38? It’s cartoonish but also sort of fascinating in a way you don’t admit out loud.

And then there are numbers nobody tells you about until they matter: vagina depth is apparently 7.1 inches; anus is 6.3 inches deep (don’t ask how they measure that—I assume some sort of specialized ruler?). These specs are plastered all over absolute sex dolls’ site as if everyone keeps a spreadsheet comparing hole depths.

Movable Joints & Steel Skeletons

Another thing that surprised me: steel skeleton inside means movable joints everywhere—shoulders, elbows, knees all bend pretty realistically but also make small clicks sometimes which is…unsettling late at night when everything else is quiet.

Setting her up takes longer than expected because joints fight back a bit—you want her legs straight and suddenly she’s in some accidental yoga pose instead.

But hey: once she’s posed right those long legs look good stretched across messy sheets or propped against the wall while you pretend none of this bothers you as much as it does.

Not Exactly Maintenance-Free

Silicone skin looks great under certain light—a little shiny under others—but fingerprints stick around unless you wipe her down every time (which gets old fast). Full silicone means durability though; feels better than TPE stuff I tried before (less sticky somehow).

Cleaning after use…well let’s just say nobody talks about that part enough. There are holes and crevices and even with removable inserts things get complicated quickly if you’re not careful or just tired after everything else.

Processing Time Is What It Is

Three weeks processing plus another week shipping—that timeline isn’t negotiable apparently. Maybe it gives them time to build each doll by hand? Or maybe they just want people to marinate in panic for thirty days before delivery lands on your doorstep with no warning except an email from DHL written entirely in lowercase letters.

Would be nice if there was tracking info sooner though; mine updated only after customs already had questions nobody wants to answer honestly (“what exactly IS this item?”).

Off On A Tangent About Big Boobs & Realism

There’s something strange about seeing big breasts and hips on something so still—it messes with your brain slightly when reality collides with fantasy hard enough to leave bruises (metaphorically speaking). Sometimes I catch myself staring too long trying to decide if this was worth all the effort or if I should have spent less money fixing my car instead.

But then again—the whole point is fantasy right? Juicy curves, long legs draped across your bed like some silent sculpture built for one purpose only…maybe two purposes depending how creative you get on weekends alone.

Anyway—I keep thinking there should be more honest reviews out there for these absolute sex dolls instead of endless lists and perfect photoshopped promo shots nobody believes anyway. Maybe this helps someone else feel less weird about wanting something both ridiculous and oddly comforting at the end of another very regular day.

That’s probably enough rambling for now—I’ll figure out storage solutions later because frankly she takes up more space than expected (should’ve measured twice).