Morticia: Spooky Nurse Sex Doll — A Skeptical Take

The Gimmick Hits You First

I mean, “Spooky Nurse Sex Doll”? That’s the pitch? Maybe I’m jaded, but after scrolling through absolute sex dolls for what feels like hours (don’t ask), you start to wonder who these are really for. Morticia is 5 feet 3 inches tall—160 cm, if you want to be precise—and she’s got that classic big boobs, big breasts thing going on. E-cup, apparently. It’s… a lot.

Steel Skeletons and Silly Promises

They always talk up the skeleton. “Steel Skeleton with movable joints.” Like she’s some sort of Marvel villain or… gymnast? Honestly, it does matter because nobody wants a floppy mess in bed (or wherever people put these things). But every site promises “movable joints,” and yet half the reviews out there say they’re stiff as hell or go loose after a few months.

Morticia weighs 72.5 lbs (32 kg). That’s heavier than my old dog. Lugging her around isn’t exactly romantic—unless your idea of foreplay is deadlifting.

Details They Hope You Don’t Notice

Let’s get into those measurements since they shove them in your face everywhere: Bust is 32.2 inches, under bust 23.6 inches, waist a wild 19.4 inches (seriously?), hips at 35.4 inches. She’s shaped like an exaggerated cartoon character—which maybe that’s the point? I don’t know.

Then there’s hole depth: Vagina is 7.1 inches deep; anus clocks in at 6.3 inches; oral upgrade available if you feel like splurging on mouth stuff too (not included by default). Never thought I’d be comparing depths like this but here we are.

The Wait Game & The Box Nobody Wants to See

Shipping info—they make it sound easy: free international shipping, discreet packaging (“completely plain and unlabeled”). That part I actually appreciate; nobody needs their neighbor catching on to their new spooky nurse roommate.

But then you hit the fine print: two weeks processing plus another week for shipping = three weeks minimum before anything arrives at your door. Three weeks! By then you might have lost interest—or found someone real? Hmm, maybe not exactly likely but… possible?

Outfits Lie Every Time

The outfit in all those photos? Not included—just for photo purposes only. This gets me every time with absolute sex dolls listings; you see something borderline cosplay-worthy and think “cool,” but what shows up is just silicone skin and nothing else unless you fork over more cash for accessories.

Is Anyone Actually Buying This?

Here’s where my skepticism kicks in hardest: Who looks at Morticia—a teen-themed nurse doll with big breasts—and thinks “that’ll solve my problems”? Maybe plenty do; maybe I’m just out of touch with whatever corner of humanity keeps this market alive.

Still, there was one moment last year when curiosity nearly won out (blame boredom or late-night internet rabbit holes), but thinking about explaining it to anyone who accidentally found her made me laugh out loud alone in my living room—then close the tab fast.

Unfinished Thoughts

Anyway—I guess there must be something appealing about Morticia if she keeps popping up among top-rated silicone sex dolls online. Or maybe it’s just marketing noise echoing back at itself until someone bites? Either way, if you’re looking for discreet delivery and cartoonish proportions wrapped up as a spooky nurse fantasy… well—you’ll probably get exactly what they promise.

But honestly? Part of me still wonders who actually clicks buy without hesitation—or regret later on.