Oaklyn: Sexy Detention Sex Doll — A Weirdly Honest Take

The Box Nobody Talks About

You know that moment when you’re waiting for a package, and every time the doorbell rings, you just—freeze? That’s what happened to me with Oaklyn. Four weeks felt like four months. Absolute sex dolls promise “discreet packaging,” but my brain kept inventing horror scenarios—neighbors asking about the giant, suspiciously plain box. (They didn’t. It was fine.)

The box really is blank though. Not even a logo or weird barcode screaming “love doll inside!” Just cardboard, tape, and my own nervous sweating.

She’s Heavy—Like, More Than You’d Guess

Here’s something nobody warns you about: 75 pounds is not nothing. Unboxing Oaklyn was less like Christmas morning and more like awkwardly wrestling a stubborn futon into your apartment at midnight. I remember thinking, “this is cardio.” Her height—5 feet 2 inches (160 cm)—looks normal enough standing up (well, propped up), but as soon as you try to move her? Suddenly she’s all dead weight and limbs.

There’s this moment where her silicone arm flops over and smacks your leg, and it feels both hilarious and slightly existential.

Breasts Like… Gel?

Okay—I’m supposed to talk about gel breasts now because apparently that’s a selling point. And yeah: they’re weirdly convincing. Not quite real, but not those stiff plastic things either. If you’ve ever poked one of those stress balls filled with slime at an office desk? Sort of like that but warmer—and attached to a B-cup chest (32.7 inches if we’re counting).

Honestly I spent too long just squishing them before doing anything else.

The EVO Skeleton Thing

EVO skeleton sounds like some kind of Marvel villain tech, right? It basically means Oaklyn can bend in ways regular dolls can’t—knees, elbows, wrists—all move pretty smoothly. Sometimes the joints make these tiny clicking noises if you force them too much; it’s not exactly sexy but it does remind you this isn’t a blow-up toy from some sketchy shop.

I did wonder if I was being too rough with her hips once—turns out she handled it better than most IKEA furniture.

Real Oral Sex (ROS): Huh.

Alright—this part surprised me more than expected: the enhanced mouth thing isn’t hype for once. The oral canal goes about 5 inches deep (I measured because curiosity got the best of me). There are little ridges inside; someone clearly put thought into this design which is both impressive and faintly unsettling when you think about it too hard.

Anyway—it works as advertised.

Vaginal & Anal Details Nobody Mentions

People love numbers on product pages so here they are: Vagina depth is 6.7 inches; anus is 5.9 inches deep; oral is 5.1 inches deep (see above). If measurements matter to you—they’re accurate-ish in practice (not going into detail here because… well).

It did occur to me how clinical these specs sound until you actually use them—and then suddenly they aren’t numbers anymore.

Processing Time Is… A Test Of Patience

Three weeks processing plus another week for shipping—that’s what they say on the site and yeah, that checks out for absolute sex dolls in general apparently? It feels longer than it should because anticipation does weird things to your sense of time when there’s silicone involved.

But hey—the wait makes unboxing feel almost ceremonial by the end.

Random Tangent About Silicone Smell

This might be niche—but there’s always that faint new-doll smell at first? Some people hate it; I kind of liked it for reasons I don’t fully understand (reminded me of new electronics maybe?). Anyway—it fades after a few days unless you stick your nose right up against her skin which… why would anyone do that?

Weird detail but true.

One Odd Downside No One Admits

Here comes my big confession: after all the hype—the photos online—the fantasy stuff—you realize she doesn’t talk back or laugh at your dumb jokes or roll her eyes when you put on terrible music during cleanup time afterward. There are moments where Oaklyn looks almost real sitting there on my bed—and other times she looks very much like what she is: high-end silicone molded into human shape by bored factory workers somewhere far away.

And honestly? That contradiction sticks with me more than anything else about owning a full silicone sex doll.

Maybe next time I’ll write about something less awkward—or maybe not.