Polina: The Russian Mafia Sex Doll That’s… Well, Something Else

I’m not even sure how I ended up writing about this, honestly.

You know those days when your brain is just kind of running on autopilot? That’s me right now. But hey—sometimes you get weird assignments, and sometimes you get really weird ones. This is one of those.

A Tall Blonde With an Attitude (And Tan Lines)

There’s something almost absurd about unboxing a five-foot-eight, full silicone sex doll with “realistic tan lines.” It’s like the universe decided to combine every cliché into one package: big boobs, big butt, long legs, blonde hair—the works. The first thing that hit me was just how heavy she is. Eighty-four pounds isn’t exactly light if you’ve got to move her around (and trust me, you will).

The tan lines are… well, they’re there. Kind of uncanny at first glance but after a while it just becomes part of the scenery in your room. Like a lamp you never turn on but still notice out of the corner of your eye.

Joints That Actually Move (Mostly)

One detail I didn’t expect to care about: steel skeleton with movable joints. Turns out it matters more than I thought—posing her is both easier and weirder than expected. Sometimes her arm gets stuck in this awkward angle and for a second you almost feel bad for her. Then you remember she’s made out of silicone and just keep going.

Still, compared to some other absolute sex dolls I’ve seen online (don’t ask), Polina actually feels sturdy enough that nothing’s going to snap off mid-use or whatever nightmare scenario people might imagine.

Realism vs Reality

Here’s where things get blurry—the line between “realistic” and “too realistic.” Her skin texture is soft but not too sticky; the proportions are straight-up wild though: 34-inch bust, 23.6 waist, 38 hips—F cup size apparently? At some point these numbers stop meaning anything and become more like trivia for late-night conversations with friends who already think you’re weird.

Her holes (yep): vagina depth is 7.1 inches; anus goes 6.7 inches deep—somehow these stats always make me laugh because who measures this stuff? Someone does, obviously.

Shipping Is Its Own Saga

Waiting five or six weeks for delivery feels like ordering a small car from overseas—or maybe a really niche piece of furniture nobody else wants to admit they own. Free international shipping sounds great until you realize it means three to four weeks processing time plus two weeks in transit (if nothing goes wrong). At least the box shows up totally plain and unlabeled; nobody at your apartment complex needs to know what’s inside unless they have x-ray vision or something.

Not Just Another Love Doll?

It’d be easy to lump Polina in with all the other big big athletic hybrid dolls floating around on sites like Starpery or Absolute Sex Dolls—but there actually is something different here if you squint hard enough through your mental fog. Maybe it’s the mafia branding (which makes no sense) or maybe it’s just that she stands taller than most people I know in real life.

Weirdly enough—I remember thinking at one point that she looked almost bored standing against my wall waiting for whatever came next. Or maybe that was just my own reflection staring back at me after a long day spent researching silicone love dolls instead of literally anything else.

Tangent About Shoe Sizes

Quick detour: why do they list shoe size as US women’s 4.5-5? Are there tiny shoes somewhere designed specifically for sex dolls? Do collectors swap outfits for them like action figures? There must be an entire subculture dedicated to this stuff—one I’m probably better off not exploring any further tonight.

Unfinished Thoughts

Anyway—Polina exists; she ships discreetly; she has all sorts of features I never thought I’d write about before today: athletic build, big breasts, steel skeleton, tan lines… If someone told me last year I'd be comparing hole depths between high-end silicone dolls from companies like Starpery and Absolute Sex Dolls—I don't know what I'd say back then.

Guess that's where we're at now though.