Tess: Ready To Ship, But Is She Really?

Stored In California… Or So They Say

I keep seeing this “Tess: Ready To Ship” banner everywhere—like, every time I scroll through sites that sell absolute sex dolls, there she is. Supposedly hanging out in some California warehouse, just waiting for someone to click ‘buy now’. They promise she’ll arrive in 3-7 days after your order. That’s fast. Suspiciously fast? Maybe not suspicious, but it’s definitely not the norm when you’re used to waiting a month or more for anything remotely customizable.

The “Exactly As Pictured” Dilemma

Here’s where my brain checks out a bit. You get Tess exactly as she looks in the photos: light tan skin tone (that part actually looks pretty nice), blue eyes, red hair (implanted synthetic—so it won’t fall out all over your sheets), gel breasts, built-in vagina, standing feet, evo skeleton… It goes on and on. She even has veins and textures painted on her body.

But there’s no customizing anything if you go with the ready-to-ship version. No swapping eye color or tweaking her measurements or whatever else people usually obsess over. You want her as-is or you don’t get her at all (unless you wait weeks for a custom one). Honestly? Sometimes I wish everything was this simple but then again… sometimes I want weird stuff.

Wait—How Big Is She Again?

If you’re into athletic bbw types with big boobs and an even bigger butt (and judging by the keywords they keep shoving everywhere—big ass, big boobs, chubby—it seems like they know their audience), Tess fits that mold perfectly. Her stats are kind of wild:

• Height: 5’3”
• Weight: 115 lbs
• Bust: 43 inches
• Waist: 40 inches
• Hips: 49 inches

That’s… substantial. Not everyone wants to haul around a doll that weighs more than most medium-sized dogs but hey, maybe that makes it feel more real? Or maybe it just makes moving her from bed to closet a workout.

Hybrid Build & Details That Actually Matter

The hybrid thing is interesting—a silicone head with a TPE body. Supposedly best of both worlds; silicone is better for realism up top and TPE is softer elsewhere. She comes with articulated hand skeletons (they actually bend instead of flopping around uselessly), weight reduction so she isn’t quite as heavy as she could be… little upgrades like that.

There’s also the hole depth thing—they list it right there: vagina is about 7 inches deep; anus about 6.7 inches. People care about these numbers apparently? Never thought I’d see myself reading these details while half-asleep but here we are.

Shipping Promises vs Reality

Anyway—I’ve ordered things before from these shops and yeah… shipping times are rarely what they say they’ll be unless something really is stored locally like this doll claims to be. Free international shipping sounds cool but if you customize anything at all suddenly it jumps back up to three or four weeks total delivery time minimum.

Discreet packaging though—that part is true in my experience. Plain boxes show up and nobody knows what’s inside except probably your nosy neighbor who sees everything delivered anyway.

A Tangent About Expectations

I remember thinking once that buying an absolute sex doll would be some sort of life-changing event—like suddenly everything would make sense or loneliness would evaporate overnight because now there’s this hyper-realistic companion sitting on your couch (or wherever). Turns out reality is messier than marketing copy ever admits.

You get used to having them around—or maybe you don’t—and sometimes they’re just another thing taking up space next to old gym equipment and boxes full of winter clothes you never wear anymore.

Last Bit Of Doubt Before Clicking Buy

It always comes down to this moment where I’m staring at the “Add To Cart” button wondering if fast shipping really matters enough for me to give up any chance of customization—or if maybe waiting longer for something tailored is worth it after all?

Weirdly enough I still haven’t decided yet—maybe I never will—but at least now I know exactly how many inches deep each hole goes and how heavy Tess will be if she ever ends up arriving at my door.