Valerie: Teen Princess Sex Doll – A Skeptical User’s Wandering Thoughts

Weird, Unfiltered Details I Noticed First

Valerie. Yeah, the so-called “Teen Princess” sex doll from Absolute Sex Dolls. The name alone made me raise an eyebrow—maybe both. I mean, who comes up with these? Anyway, let’s just get this out of the way: she’s 5 feet 4 inches tall (or 165 cm if you’re metric-minded), full silicone, and apparently designed to tick off every box on someone’s very specific wishlist.

The site goes on about her EVO skeleton and gel breasts like they’re pitching a new car model. Real Oral Sex (ROS) Enhanced Mouth is listed in bold somewhere—like it’s a feature upgrade or something. I remember thinking… do people actually care about those technicalities? Or is it just marketing noise?

Measurements That Don’t Really Mean Much Until You See Her

Everywhere you look there are numbers. Bust: 31.5 inches; Under bust: 25.2; Waist: 22.6; Hips: 37.4—C-cup bra size if that matters to anyone reading this (it probably does). Oh, and weight: seventy-four pounds give or take—a little heavier than expected when you try dragging her across the room.

Hole depth stats pop up too—vagina at 6.3 inches, anus at 5.5, oral at just under five inches (4.8). Not sure what to say about that except…someone must’ve measured with a ruler at some point.

Shipping Promises & That Awkward Waiting Game

Here’s where my patience started wearing thin—the whole “free international shipping” bit sounds nice until you realize there’s a three-week processing time before they even ship it out…and then another week for delivery? Four weeks staring at order confirmation emails and hoping your nosy neighbor doesn’t catch a glimpse of the box when it finally arrives.

Supposedly discreet packaging though—the website swears the box is totally plain and unlabeled. I’ll admit, that part gave me some relief because honestly who wants to explain a life-sized silicone doll delivery?

Silicone Details & EVO Skeleton Claims (I’m Still Not Sure)

They keep repeating “full silicone,” like that makes all the difference versus TPE or whatever else is out there now. And EVO skeletons are supposed to offer more natural posing—but after fiddling around with joints that creak weirdly sometimes…I don’t know, maybe mine was slightly stiff from sitting in customs for too long.

Gel breasts are hyped up too—they feel squishier than older models but not exactly lifelike unless you close your eyes and really want to believe it.

Is This What People Want From a Love Doll?

Maybe I’m missing the point here—I get why people go for Asian-inspired features or busty proportions (Valerie ticks both boxes). But calling her “teen princess” while clarifying she’s over eighteen…feels like dancing around some line nobody wants to talk about directly.

She looks young but not childlike—just petite enough for plausible deniability if anyone asks awkward questions later on.

An Unexpected Tangent About Storage

One thing nobody really tells you up front—you need somewhere to put her when friends come over unexpectedly or parents decide to visit without warning (happened once; never again). At seventy-four pounds she isn’t exactly easy to stash away quickly unless you have a closet big enough for Narnia.

I ended up buying an extra storage trunk online—not cheap either—which felt ridiculous but necessary after one close call involving pizza delivery and nosy neighbors peeking through windows.

Minor Realization About Expectations vs Reality

Using Valerie wasn’t bad—it just wasn’t quite as mind-blowing as advertised by most absolute sex dolls reviews floating around Reddit forums or wherever else people compare notes on these things.

Sure, oral options work as described…but after all the waiting and setup? It feels oddly clinical sometimes—a little too much like assembling IKEA furniture with benefits attached.

One Last Offbeat Thought Before I Log Off

Honestly can’t shake this feeling that buying love dolls is less about fantasy fulfillment and more about distraction from boredom—or maybe loneliness no one admits out loud anymore.

I keep thinking maybe next time I'll skip the fancy features and just buy something simpler…but then again that's what I said last time too—and here we are anyway