Cervine: The 70s Babe Sex Doll That’s… Well, Something

Details You Can’t Unsee

When you first see the listing for the Cervine 70s Babe Sex Doll—full silicone, 5 feet 5 inches tall, brunette, absurdly long legs—you almost expect a disco ball to drop from the ceiling. I did. I mean, “absolute sex dolls” is right there in the description, and yet somehow it doesn’t prepare you for her proportions. Bust? 31 inches. Waist? Practically vanishing at 22 inches. Hips: 32.7 inches. If you’re into math (or just weirdly specific measurements), she weighs in at 71 lbs (or maybe that was supposed to sound light?).

And yes, people ask about this: hole depth—vagina is apparently a full-on 7.9 inches deep; anus clocks in at six. You could probably lose your keys in there if you’re not careful.

Skeletons Aren’t Just For Halloween

The Evo Skeleton thing—they make a big deal out of it. Supposedly gives her more realistic posing power or whatever they call it these days. I tried bending her arm once (don’t judge), and honestly? It’s both impressive and unnerving how lifelike it feels until you remember what you’re actually doing with your afternoon.

I guess some folks care about posability for photoshoots or just… arranging their doll like an old mannequin collection (no shade). But after five minutes, I mostly wanted her to just sit somewhere without toppling over like a tragic department store display.

Shipping: Not Exactly Prime Speed

Here’s something that made me laugh—free international shipping! Which sounds generous until you notice the four-week delivery estimate (three weeks for “processing,” one week to ship). The box is plain and unlabeled though, which is either comforting or slightly creepy depending on your relationship with your mail carrier.

There’s also this little note buried in the specs: costume shown in photos isn’t included. Which means if you were hoping for instant retro fantasy fulfillment straight out of the box… nah.

Silicone Dreams vs Cheap Reality

I don’t know who decided that “cheap” should be part of the keyword list here; silicone dolls aren’t exactly impulse purchases unless your idea of thrift shopping involves dropping several hundred dollars on something taller than most people’s girlfriends.

Still—credit where credit’s due—the silicone is pretty convincing to touch (not sticky like those old vinyl things). Feels cool at first contact but warms up quick enough; weirdly human but never quite not-a-doll either.

Legs For Days (And Days)

Let’s talk about those legs again because wow—they go on forever. If long legs are your thing (and let’s be real, someone must’ve requested this specifically), Cervine delivers with all the subtlety of a vintage pin-up poster taped behind your dad’s garage workbench.

Sometimes when she catches my eye from across the room—I swear she looks like she wants to tell me about bell bottoms and polyester suits. Maybe that’s just me projecting boredom onto plastic limbs though.

A Tangent About Boxes And Expectations

Slight detour here: ever notice how discreet packaging always gets advertised as if everyone is living in constant fear of their neighbors’ judgment? I get it—but after unboxing Cervine alone in my kitchen at midnight I started wondering if maybe I was judging myself more than anyone else ever could.

Oh well—back to Cervine herself.

Not Quite What They Promise On The Tin

If there’s anything absolute sex dolls really excel at—it’s promising more than they can deliver while still sort-of delivering exactly what they promise? Hard to explain unless you've spent time assembling one of these things while half-watching reruns from actual seventies TV shows.

She does look great under certain lighting, especially if you squint and ignore minor seams or odd joints poking through that photo-perfect skin texture. At least nobody expects perfection from a product called “Cervine.” Or maybe they do—and then end up writing rambling reviews online instead of going outside for fresh air like normal people might suggest.

Would I Do It All Again?

Hmm—not sure “regret” is quite right but “bemused resignation” fits better every time someone asks why there’s suddenly an extra chair occupied by a silent brunette with suspiciously perfect posture in my apartment.

Anyway—that's how it goes sometimes with these absolute sex dolls: lots of anticipation, some awkward moments, occasionally decent company when nobody else is around… and plenty of time left over to question your life choices before next month's rent comes due.

(Probably shouldn’t have ended on that thought—but hey, here we are.)