Lucero: Spicy Venezuelan Sex Doll (Or, How I Accidentally Became a Connoisseur)

The Box Arrives (Eventually)

You know what never gets old? Waiting for something you’re not exactly proud to explain to your neighbors. Four weeks, give or take—three for “processing” and then another week floating across the world in a box that’s so plain it practically screams suspicious. Discreet packaging, they call it. Sure. Just a big, heavy, silent cardboard rectangle on my porch, no markings at all except maybe the faint whiff of judgment from my mailman.

Anyway, inside was Lucero—the spicy Venezuelan sex doll that absolute sex dolls keeps advertising like she’s about to change your life or at least your sleep schedule. Five feet four inches tall (164 cm if you’re metric-minded), 88 pounds of silicone and steel skeleton with joints that bend more than some people’s morals.

Anatomy Lessons I Never Asked For

Here’s where things get... clinical? Or weirdly specific. Depends on your mood. Lucero is busty—D-cup full silicone breasts that are just there, unapologetically present. Her measurements read like someone’s fever dream: 32 inch bust, 23 inch waist, hips… oh right—40.5 inches. And yes, big butt is an understatement; she could probably win some kind of contest if those existed outside certain corners of the internet.

The legs are long—like actually long—and her proportions land somewhere between “Instagram model” and “this can’t be real.” But technically it isn’t real so maybe that checks out?

Hole depth? Oh boy. They list this stuff like it’s normal: vagina is 7.1 inches deep; anus clocks in at 6.3 inches (I remember thinking… does anyone measure these things with a tape measure?). Apparently yes.

Not Actually Like The Ads

If you’ve seen one ad for a latina brunette sex doll you’ve basically seen them all: juicy lips, big boobs, big butt—bigger everything really—and promises of “realistic feel.” I guess Lucero delivers on most fronts; she looks sort of alive in dim light and definitely not alive when you catch her staring blankly from across the room while you eat cereal.

Steel skeleton means the joints move—a little too well sometimes—and setting her up feels less like romance and more like assembling gym equipment with extra steps.

Surprising Details (And Some That Aren’t)

There are moments when I almost forget how annoyed I am by the whole process—the way her skin feels cool but soft-ish after warming up under blankets for an hour; how the weight makes her feel substantial instead of flimsy or hollow (which is honestly what I expected). Silicone has its perks: easy-ish to clean if you don’t mind getting uncomfortably familiar with every curve and crevice.

Shipping was free internationally—probably because they know nobody wants to explain customs fees on this kind of purchase—but fast? Not really. Still beats waiting for backordered electronics though.

A Tangent On Legs And Regret

This part is off-topic but whatever—I spent ten minutes posing Lucero’s legs before realizing I’d forgotten why I started in the first place. Long legs sound sexy until you’re wrestling silicone thighs trying to make them look natural on your couch without knocking over half your living room décor.

Big boobs get all the attention but honestly? It’s always the legs that trip me up (sometimes literally).

What Nobody Tells You

Absolute sex dolls will promise discreet packaging and realistic features until their copywriters collapse from repetition fatigue—but nobody tells you about storing these things or explaining them away when friends drop by unexpectedly (“Oh uh… art project?” doesn’t work twice). There’s also this odd moment where you realize she’ll never argue back—that might sound appealing until it doesn’t anymore.

Still… there are worse ways to spend a night alone than hanging out with someone who won’t judge your taste in late-night snacks or Netflix choices—even if she is made entirely out of silicone and quiet expectation.

Maybe next time I'll just order pizza instead.